I can relate. After another black out night last night, making a fool of myself, again, I woke up hating myself, again. A good friend told me today, that he hopes I can stop drinking before my liver fails. That really scared me. But like you, I am scared about never having the option to drink again. I'm scared to continue and scared to stop. I can go about 3 days before it gets rough. Today is day 1. I'm glad I found this site.