That sounds like bargaining taper to me pkdel - the kind you do to stop drinking... but not really.
It is scary to stop drinking - but there's so many stories here from people who've stopped and made their lioves better.
We can't all be lying - what would be the point?
I hope you'll join us and post regularly. This community really helped me see what I needed to you.
I'm sure we can help you too - welcome!
D