I guess I should start from the beginning...
But even as I write this I'm drinking beers alone in my living room at 1am, my beautiful long term girlfriend is upstairs asleep in bed and all I can think of is (not joining her, but) the fact I only have three beers left in the fridge. I've recently lost my job through poor attendance due to being hungover and sleeping through my alarms, and it's honestly taken something as huge as me losing my job and risking being unable to pay my half of the household bills to make me realize something desperately has to change. I've lied to cover up my habit, and hiding sober shakes/sweating/racing pulse is becoming increasingly difficult.
My drinking started when I was 19. I was a happy college student and was happy to drink socially, without feeling like it was ever something I would ever have to worry about. I'm only 27 now but I would say I've been drinking heavily for around 7 years now. I guess I'm naive in the sense that I feel like my 27 year old body can handle all the alcohol, but the truth is I'm hammering my body with alcohol every day without fail and its killing me, I know it is. It's true what they say, it creeps up on you. I've considered/tried to quit many times. Even as I write this my chest feels warm, if I've not started drinking by the early evening I start to sweat profusely and my heart beats really heavily. My day to day is either spent in a drunken haze where nothing matters, or sober and swimming in sweat thinking if I quit I may die. I've managed to keep my drinking from family and friends for the most part, and my girlfriend is pretty much non the wiser but I fear that if I quit she is going to realize something is wrong. She deserves my full attention and I'm so so blessed to have her, I need help.
I have a university degree and I'm told on a daily basis I'm a very talented musician. I hope some day to start my own business and inspire people musically just as I found inspiration as a youngster, teaching music and sharing what I know. But I just know that every day that passes, alcohol is chipping away at my motivation and constantly adding bricks to the wall that is standing between me and making that dream a reality.
I found out about this website through other forums etc and how the massive support network here as helped people quit. Its taken a lot for me to admit this and join here, but I'm really hoping you guys can help me move forward positively.
I need help, and as much of it as I can get. I'm falling apart and it's only a matter of time before the pieces can no longer be put back together
Thank you all for your time,
Daniel