Originally Posted by
sourbaby1986 
I only seem to get that deep connection while drinking/using. There's that song out now by the weeknd and one of his lines is "when I'm f*uckd up that's the real me"....that's how I feel. But I know it's not true, but I feel it being true. It's definitely strong.
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I hope you get to the point where you calmly accept this isn't true and have no issues discarding this as part of a thirsty AV.
And I'm sorry you felt lonely around family, I know that's rough. It does get better as you embrace everything a sober life offers!