Originally Posted by
starsailor 
Hi All, I just want to check in for Day 1. I met up with an old drinking buddy last night as she's having problems with her marriage. I matched her drink for drink but she's got a much higher tolerance than I have now. I can't believe I was so silly to think I could meet up with her and my sobriety would stay intact. I feel dreadful now, so anxious worrying if the neighbours saw me staggering home from the local pub which I went to alone after I'd finished with my friend. Panicking cos I saw someone I knew in there and that will mean my dirty little secret may be out and everyone will find out I'm an alcoholic. When does the fear go? How can I ensure that it won't overwhelm me and make me fall off the wagon again?
So sorry to hear about your evening - that is tough. I only have 3 weeks under my belt so can only comment on my limited learning and experience. Biggest thing for me is putting myself first - I am ultimately in charge of my sobriety and my healing. That means sometimes making difficult choices for the bigger win (intentionally avoiding triggers) which may seem hurtful to others at times. It may sound cruel, but friend was not concerned regarding your recovery and chose to put herself first. Perhaps something to consider is how much you value that specific relationship if there is a blatant disregard for your wellbeing. I get that she didn't chose sobriety, but there should be a conscious effort to support you by not testing your limits and putting you in a trigger situation. I know a few people in the Dec class have written about friends and drinking so hopefully they can jump in here. In the meantime, day 1 is a good place to be - fresh start and a greater understanding of your triggers which you can use going forward.
Hang in there.