My ds has to stay at his dad's occasionally only because I need XAH to get him to the orthodontist, the dermatologist, and school (at least that was the case last week). My son will take Uber at times, like when he can't wake my X up or when he's still drunk in the AM and can't drive and my son knows how to make those decisions for himself.
My son is 17. I really feel that I can't force him to stay with me 24/7. He will be driving very soon and he'll be making these choices for himself when he turns 18. I'm not sure that me putting my foot down and forcing him to stay with me is a good idea. I have tried to talk to him about this and he insists that dad needs him and that he still needs a ride from dad for certain things (which is true).
As for counseling: I want my ds to go back to counseling. I'm still not sure who told him that he should stop going back in September. I didn't realize the appointments had stopped. Ds just told me that he felt good and was adjusting well and that they all(the 3 of them: dad, son, and counselor) decided he could take a break from counseling. And, honestly, I can't get him to therapy myself so I need my X's cooperation or else I'm paying 40$ for having Uber take him to counseling, which may end up happening at this point.
As for my XAH: son tried to contact him yesterday but hasn't heard back. He worries about his dad and I hate to see him worked up in fear and worry and sadness.