lizatola

My son opened up to me today. Telling me about how miserable his dad is, how he hates listening to his dad rant and rave about the demise of humanity and how the world is falling apart. He told me that he has to take care of his dad and that he feels he needs to step in an be responsible for him since my XAH can't take care of himself well anymore.

I try to keep my son here at my house as much as possible. I've taken him to a few Al Anon meetings but it's not really something he wants to commit to. He was going to a therapist back in August but he stopped going because he felt that dad was getting 'better'. Well, no sweetie, he just hadn' t had another binge during that time.

He sometimes will get talked into spending another night or two at my x's house and I'll let him stay. He is very concerned for his dad and the fact that he can't fix him. I talk program talk to him all the time but I know he has to learn his own lessons. So, I told him I want him to go back to his therapist and possibly see about getting a meeting going where he talks to his dad with the therapist there about his issues and how he hates all the negativity and depressing talk and martyr crap that XAH throws at him. He often has told me, "Mom, I feel like I've taken your place and it sucks but dad keeps saying he wants to get better and then he seems OK for a few weeks and then he's down in the dumps and depressed and has another binge again."

God, how I wish I never married this man or that I had left 15 years ago. So much damage would have been avoided. I am beating myself up for things I didn't do and I hate that my son has to suffer being a child of, not only an alcoholic, but someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, etc. It pains me.

So, for as good as my own life is going, I wish I could fix my son's life for him but I know I can't.....and it sucks.