Hiya Stewy,
First of all congrats on the 429 days of sobriety - that is phenomenal. Second congrats on throwing so much (different meds, Docs and ABT) at your depression.
I'm 52 and have been dealing with depression since I was 18. However, everyone's depression is unique to the individual. I may have a totally different flavor of depression.
I hear you on this >>>>"The content of the intrusive thoughts makes it difficult to discuss with anyone. Someone who hasn't suffered would most likely interpret what I was talking about in the wrong manner, advise me and most likely make matters unintentionally worse. " As much as folks want to help, sometimes it just makes it worse.
I have developed a toolbox of tricks that help me deal with my depression and I sure hope you do too. It is a big big bummer that nothing has helped yet. Keep posting; if we can't help you, at least we can be present for your suffering.