My drinking was always magnified at the holidays. In looking back at my life I am aware that the holidays were always a depressing time as well. Though I 'liked' Christmas, it was somehow always a reminder of the lacking in my life... of gaps in my chikdhood, of lacking in my relationships and real intimacy. It was sad because it was a time for connection and deep inside I had holes where connection was longed for.
My last binge was a Christmastime disaster. I stopped drinking and chose sobriety and now am nearly two years sober.
Tr he first Christmas was tough not drinking as everyone around me boozed it up, but it was a good Christmas. This year I still feel a bit of the old holiday melancholy... but I'm not going to drink over it.
Sober is so much better