bblackbirdflyy

He wasn't being malicious. He just doesn't get it... the struggle of the addiction. As I defend him, I realize it was hurtful, even though he meant no harm. Find myself choked up a bit... Guess it's up to me too prove that I wont.

I was close to drinking today. As patricia said we need to be kind to ourselves. I have been down on myself all day... feeding frenzy for AV. I think I'm overwhelmed. I want so badly to be a better person but I'm stuck... running in place.

I work overnight, full time. I go to nursing school during the day full-time. Have a large family to take care of (two kids are mine, two are his) I've just volunteered (volunteered! I must be crazy) to host my extended family's Christmas in my small house so that my cousin's could attend. They are at the hospital in my hometown, as they've had premature twins a couple weeks ago. It was a high risk pregnamcy so they had to deliver in the larger city. Everyone else lives farther away. Our house is in no shape for company. It will be a lot of work. Sigh.

I've locked myself in the bathroom to post this... and fold laundry in peace.

♡bbf