Hi keeppushing,
Were you really advised to try moderate drinking, in the hope that it might lead to abstinence? Not seen many people succeed with that approach on here, and doesn't appear to be working too well for you either from what you've written.
But that wasn't your question.
A failed business is very stressful, and I'm sorry to hear what happened, but drinking to deal with it is not the answer, as you know. And while I completely agree that men should feel able to cry, at the same time it isn't compulsory. I say that because it almost reads as if you're using your need to cry as an excuse to drink, since you can't cry sober.
I'm a bit surprised your therapist gave you that diagnosis about grief of lost dreams, and then didn't offer help with finding ways to deal with it that don't involve alcohol.
My own business is on rocky ground at the moment. Things might turn around, but I'm preparing for the worst. I was getting very, very stressed about it, leading to family tensions and a bout of depression for me. But I did have a moment of clarity after some therapy. I was seeing the possible collapse of my business as a sign that I'd failed. And that was a real turning point. Because I began to realise it wasn't so much the business itself but my pride that was at stake. And I began to ask myself what failure would really say about me.
The main lesson would be that I'm not really an entrepreneur. Never have been when I'm really honest with myself. I began to look at all the things I'd accomplished before I started it up. And I'd done lots of things I was proud of. This was just my equivalent of A Bridge Too Far.
The more I've been able to separate my pride out of the success or failure of the business, the more relaxed I feel about it. I've actually since found a plan B, that suits my personality much better. And has actually turned into my Plan A (watch my existing business take off now
)
I don't know if any of this might apply for you, and how helpful it is. But it might help to really analyse what it is you're grieving. What was the dream, versus what was dented pride that it failed? Some of what you describe may be signs that you weren't as passionate about what you were doing as you might think now that you were. Are there other ways you could achieve the same, or similar dream? Do you have other dreams?
The main thing is not to let something that happened in the past weigh down your future. And most importantly right now, don't use it as an additional excuse to drink. Keep your focus on what you can achieve once you are sober.