keeppushing

I've dealt with grief before in terms of death and being dumped. I have not dealt with the grief of lost dreams and it is very different than the first two situations. Background first: Based on advice I got on SR I stopped seeing abstinence as binary, all or nothing, but as a percentage. I joing SR at 0% abstinence and reached 40% abstinence (and lower amounts) aiming for 100% abstinence.

Then a couple of weeks ago things reversed direction completely back to 0%. Finally, my therapist pointed to the grief of lost dreams. In part due to my drinking (killed motivation, no missed days, etc.), partly due to the 2008 financial crisis and mostly due to things I don't understand I quit a while ago to build my own company (I've done this before), that didn't work out and now I can't find a job. So I've decided to emigrate in a few months if things don't pan out.

Then I started drinking nightly, and crying through most of it. I'm a guy from a culture where you are taught not to cry, so I can't do it sober. The pain from loss and shame is overwhelming.

I need to update my plan to deal with this grief without using alcohol. Anyone have any advice? Internet search was useless for my situation.

TIA,

KP