from the other side
I'm posting here because I need to hear from the opposite side...
My husband has been clean from heroin 45 days. He's been working the steps throughout that time. Not only has the past 5 years been stressful, but these last 45 days have been draining. I'm very proud that he finally decided to do what he needed to do for himself. However, in doing so, I feel so left put of his life. He doesn't show me any affection or love, he doesn't really talk to me anymore, if so our conversations are pretty short. He is gone damn near all day at meetings and with his sponsor. Being that we only have one car and two little girls...I can hardly get things done I need to or want to. I feel so trapped. I've been going to al anon and it seems to help, I'm just still new and it's actually confusing to me. He's thrown at me I need to "just pick a sponsor, not accept applications". I'm sure he doesn't see it like I do but that's hurtful. I'm not a social butterfly like he is so it's been hard to open up to people I don't know, or initiate conversation or be like "hey, I don't know you, but do you want to be my sponsor?" I know he's taking his program seriosuly..setting up at meetings, decorating the hall, cleaning up, making coffee, etc...HE DOESN'T EVEN DO THAT AT HOME!! He can't even offer to help my dad put up christmas decorations but he's so willing to do it elsewhere..I get the service commitments but it's not fair. Sometimes I feel it would be easier on the both of us to just be apart, then i think about everything we have been through together and I don't want to just walk away. I do love him. I just feel unimportant, ignored, unloved, unwanted. When trying to talk to him he pulls, get a sponsor, or talk to someone from al anon. I can't even talk to him about how I feel or what's going on inside me. I've been sick 3 different times in the past week and he showed no compassion or care to help me with the girls or anything else. Am I being selfish for feeling this way? Why don't I get it? What am I doing wrong for him to be like this? When will it get better? And damnit, when are we going to be able to have sex again? Open to any questions, suggestions..anything that's going to help me see a different view point or help me during this time...I need something