Oh I do know that, I am fully aware that I am making my own decision and that the choice I have made is one that is possibly not the wisest. But for now it is what I feel most comfortable with. I would never, ever let my children suffer or go without. If I get to the point that I cannot afford food or heat I will certainly ask their father and I have no doubt that he will help. I am not starving, I am just nervous. I don't buy things for myself ever. I do, or have in the past buy wine- I feel like if I am spending money on that I don't really have any right to ask for outside help. I'm just rambling now. In any case, yes, Pride hurts.