Today I have 8 months, 240+ days sober and I am so grateful. On Friday December 11, my nephew was born. They say that there are moments we will get back again when we become sober but this was a new moment. A new moment I will cherish forever. I was able to be of service that day and watch over my niece who wanted to stay overnight with me to wait for her cousin to be born. I used to live with my niece last year and we are very close. It was wonderful to see our close bond reignited. However, at 8 months I still have my struggles. This week is my final exam and it was also a big change in my sleeping schedule. So, I have been stressed! And when I get extremely stressed, I get cravings. The negative self-talk in me said “you already are near 8 months and you still sometimes want to put a needle in your arm” but then I reminded myself that every day will not be sunny and cravings or negative thoughts like this will come and go (it is a life-long battle is it not?)
I hope that someone under 8 months can read this and say “Wow, I want to be able to show up for my family and be there & create new memories” because it CAN happen. Trust me, when I decided to stop I had thoughts like “life will NOT be fun anymore, where will be the excitement?” And boy oh boy did I realize that life will ALWAYS be something to be excited for depending on your actions. If you are bored-SAVE UP FOR A MINI TRIP, Travel abroad, study something that motivates you, find a friend that you can talk to for hours, spend time with family, write a book about your using days and create it into a thrilling adventure that turned into another thrilling adventure with sobriety!
As I head into month 8 & begin countdown to 9, I am still petrified for winter weather because it is a huge trigger for me. BUT, thank the Lord it has actually been in the 60’s on the East Coast in December! How do I plan to keep myself busy as winter progresses? I am working extra shifts in January because I will be off from university, I will return to the hospital that I volunteer at, I am looking forward to all the Oscar nominated movies and playing catchup on all films I missed because of exams, and I am going to writing my book slowly but surely during the next months. If you have been following my posts, you know my goal of moving away from NY & returning to my network of AA buddies in CA & yes I still have using family members around me here in NY currently. I don’t want to speak too soon but it is looking like at the end of the spring semester of university in May I may officially be heading there! Patience pays off and boy these past 8 months of recovery has required A LOT of patience. BUT I know it will pay off.
Oh & Happy Holidays, Happy New Year & Happy Star Wars on Friday everyone! Sending you all positive energy and love!
