Bunny,
yeah, i can relate.
i got sober and expected my anger and reactivities to considerably lessen just automatically.
found out later (by going to my doctor) that anger can be one expression of depression, though usually a more "male" one. it was out of proportion to whatever had happened, and seemed to have no real "reason".
and seemed mostly a non-matching response to occurrences.
and on my old forum at just around a year sober i started an entire thread because i found myself not crying about things worth crying over. or "normal" to cry over.
certainly i felt there was something very wrong; something very blocked.
i didn't come to the step-work until i was several years sober, and it's made a huge difference.
my own experience of step four i think of as teabag-like: i steeped. maybe a bit too long. and no, i didn't cry. i didn't feel sad. i did feel quite appalled, though. as i gained clarity about my part, that shift in perspective was crushing while a relief at the same time. a relief because i knew down the road i'd make amends. i'd have tools. and i was sure i'd be okay, eventually. some kind of faith in that.
but cry? no.
my sponsor-type person never had any expectations (far as i know) about how i should feel while going through a particular step. they met me where i was, so to speak, shared their experience, made suggestions, and was a very safe, non-criticising person for me.
for my step 5 i went to a christian nun who's had years and years of experience listening without judgment, helping me see patterns, accepting what i laid down.
i hope you'll get yourself checked out for the possibility of depression.
i also encourage you to keep going. step 4 is no fun but you will not stay there indefinitely
i actually expected to have no troubles whatsoever while doing it, since i thought of myself as honest with myself and introspective. i thought i'd breeze right through all that inventorying. wrong! took weeks, was shocking at times, many "wow!" moments.
so great to see you reaching out, getting connected.
and way to go on all the stuff you're doing and on your many weeks of sobriety!