Hey Iwish, you sound depressed. I don't just mean down because of your circumstances, but actually clinically depressed. You have good reason, but it should be possible to pull yourself out of this hole no matter what your RAH does. Please go and talk to your doctor and if he/she suggests medication for the time it takes you to get some pleasure back into your life, and have enough energy to work on your own ambitions, please don't reject the idea.
Your RAH is adding nothing to family life from the sounds of things, and if you 2 have no intimate life your marriage is going nowhere. You could both try marriage counselling, or if he won't go you could go on your own.
It seems you're so unhappy that something has to give and it's best if you have the chance to sort out your feelings with some professional help before you explode. Another idea is to try Nar-anon. I bet the people there will know exactly what you're going through.