Hi Wheelingdizzy,
Hope you're doing well. Great to see you didn't drink the other day, though not surprisingly, given this is a sobriety forum, it'd be great if you hadn't bought that bottle for later
Maybe an idea, at this early stage while you're figuring out what you want to do, is to consider taking a fixed break. Long enough to really try out sober life. Say 30 days. Easier than thinking about "forever". And if you find you simply can't make it that long without a drink, that should at least help clarify to you what your relationship to alcohol really is.
I took a fixed 6 week break leading up to my 50th birthday. I'd been ill a couple of times after heavy drinking (a virus twice took advantage of my self-inflicted weakened immune system), and I really didn't want to be ill in the buildup to the party. My plan was to drink after my band had finished playing that night.
And it was actually when I drank again, that it first really hit me that I actually had been happier while sober. That first pint just didn't do what I thought it did for me. Basically, I broke the habit which gave me a chance to really think again about what I was doing. 3 weeks later I made the decision to quit for good, which was over 6 months ago now. Everything is so much better now (read the It Gets Better thread to get a sense of how people's lives have improved).