I can honesty feel your pain.. I have felt the way you have described for years. Look I'm only day 2 sober but one thing I can tell you with all sincerity is that nothing will get better if you continue drinking. Clarity will only come with sobriety and you can start to address some of your issues. Be kind to yourself. At least try to be, first things first. One thing at a time.. Good luck my hearts with you. Sean Australia