Hi Lola,
I am so sorry for your grief. It must make the holidays very difficult for your family. I hope you get through it without picking up a drink.
I understand the "everyone I know drinks" thing. But this forum is a tremendous help to me. I am still fairly close to my drinking friends, and honestly seeing or hearing about their drunk shenanigans - mind you - we are middle (or slightly beyond) aged women - only reinforces my desire to stay sober! They are practically a form of pyschological antibuse for me! But yes, the ones that can only have a couple of drinks and quit pisses me off, too because I wish I had that off button. But we don't. When you really think about it though, we could be aflicted with much worse than a broken alcohol off-switch.