Skipping Christmas?
Well, not really but skipping those parties. My family with whom I'll celebrate the actual holiday with aren't drinkers so thats not the issue. But those darn parties! They've weighed so heavily in my thoughts lately, I've decided to skip them entirely. Sounds a little "bah humbug" but for some reason, I've got a bad feeling.
I had a rough week last week. Didn't drink but was acting like it, if that makes sense. Worked, then moved to the couch, until bed. Didn't work out, run, or even pretty much leave the house. It was the same behavior as when I was drinking but w/no alcohol. I was a bit depressed and I resorted to isolating myself like I was drinking again. This did result in at least 2 of those nights thinking about drinking.....wondering why not if this is what I'm going to do anyway. I did then have the sense that it wouldn't help so I passed on that.
After about a week, I snapped out of it and all was just fine. Back to running, going to the gym and socializing but I have to say, that week sure scared me. That voice in my head that pushes me to move forward when I'm faltering had disappeared, like it went on vacay for a week.....then it just reappeared!
Anyway, I'm not sure why that happened. I was here, reading, but didn't feel like posting because I felt "less than", if that makes sense.
After that week, and once I snapped out of it, the Christmas parties started to worry me, so I politely declined the invitations. I've been to these before in years past and way too much alcohol is flowing for me to feel comfortable with.
I almost feel as if I've taken a step back in my sobriety. No, I didn't drink but that week made me feel like I did. All the same negative feelings associated with it, but sober. It almost sucked to not have any excuse for the "slothness"!
Thanks for listening. So glad you're here.