Hi Lola - welcome back
I think the bottom line is we have to put a little more effort into not drinking as we would into drinking.
You don't post here very much anymore - what else do you do for your recovery?
I'm sorry for your sadness and I know the day will be painful...but why make the day even sadder and painful by wiping yourself out?
You're a mom aren't you? What about your kids?
How do they handle the day?
do you think they might need their mom too?
Use the very real love I know you have for them to see you through.
I'm sorry this loss weighs so heavy on you...have you considered counselling at all - either for you, or all of you together?
D