Originally Posted by Mrrryah1

Early sobriety. Hate, hate, hate. I can't stop psyching myself out with these obsessive thoughts.

"Who are you kidding? You're never going to stay sober FOR-EVVVVER. You've tried a million times before and never been successful *scoff*. What's the point of wasting time in these meetings? What's the point of building these recovery relationships? You're hopeless. You're going to fail anyways. You can just drink tonight and feel better. You can drink tonight. You can drink tonight. You're not ready to quit for good anyways. You would KNOW if you were. So why fight it when you could have some temporary relief?"

I have this wicked pre-occupation with the fact that everybody tells me about how when they hit their "bottom" they 'just knew' they were done with drinking absolutely forever. Well - I've thought that before, and sincerely believed it to my very core. I thought it immediately after my last relapse, when I got my DUI, I truly though - this is IT.

But today (and yesterday admittedly) I'm questioning everything.

What if it's not "it"? How do I know? Wouldn't I know - I mean - REALLY KNOW. These people all tell me they KNEW. And I don't know if I necessarily KNOW that I'm done forever. I mean - I've said it before and I wasn't. Does that mean I'm probably wrong again? Does that mean I'm wasting my time even trying? Does that mean I should just give in? Will these thoughts and feelings ever pass?

Somebody help me sort some of these messed up thoughts in my head pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

Sincerely,
forever bottom chasing M.