Thank you again.
I am now four days off the antidepressant I was taking and I feel as if I am coming out of a fog. IT has been toxic and bad for me, it just took me down so slowly I didn't realize that the medication was making me worse til now. I have been trying to do the right thing, to give medication a try to help me and it made me worse. Much worse.
I have had two other antidepressants make me suicidal but those were both really fast and obvious. This was slow and at the pace of my depression, plus it's winter, plus my b-day is coming up, plus I was already depressed. So I couldn't really tell it was the medication.
I talked with psychiatrist last week and she was indecisive if I should stay on it but said it would probably take a week off it or on it to tell the difference. Well, four days in I am beginning to awaken.
I still feel fear, and depressed, and all the rest. But I feel like the black cloud that has been smothering and choking me is beginning to lift. I have felt so truly pinned down, so crushed, that I could do nothing at all. Nothing. Taking a shower was a huge deal.
I don't want to get my hopes up too much but since I did stop the medication and I am noticing a difference I am feeling a little more hope. I wouldn't have lasted much longer as I was going. Now I have to decide if I am willing to try any other meds or just stay the heck away from them. There is one I have wanted to try for months but the psychiatrist was not open to it, I had to try these other two first. So we'll see.
I really appreciate all of you still reaching out to me and not giving up on me. That is rare in my life. Thank you.
I'm not sure what is next but I see my counselor tomorrow and am hoping to go to see her rather than have a phone session. I am out of food and haven't been out in almost two weeks and then for the awful fingerprinting. So I need some positive experiences.