I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of your friend. It sounds like there is a lot of painful grieving going on in your neck of the woods Chickippo.
I agree that you need to protect your sobriety first, and it sounds like you're going to needs a bucketful of acceptance and a heart full of forgiveness, love and understanding for your fellow AAers who may have gone back out or reacting to this by saying unhelpful things if you're going to stay resentment free and focussed on your own program. Maybe it'd be worth going to some different meetings where this man was not known (or not known so well) so that this is easier to do.
This 'Do it anyway' prayer often gives me some relief when I'm struggling to find myself in a state of acceptance, so I'm passing it on just in case it helps. Feel free to ignore it if you prefer...
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
Likewise - the resentment prayer has saved me from some painful places. And when I most need it is when I seem to find it hard to remember it - so here you go with that one as well...
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thank you for your help and strength with this resentment.
PS Regarding the guilt and shame. Alcohol always brought me guilt and shame eventually, way before I came to AA or did step work. I found that nothing ever in my life helped me find such relief from my guilt and shame than step 4 and 5 did. I also got a little stuck on step 6 for a time, until I'd prayed for the willingness to leave those character defects behind and to be able to let go of my ego and fear which were holding me back for some time. I suppose I was still getting 'who I am' and 'what I did' confused. They'd been become as enmeshed in my head as two colours of plasticine rolled in together. Anyway - one day it just seemed to happen, and it did bring me some relief. I was no longer fearful of becoming the hole in the polo mint, and was 'entirely ready to have God remove all those defects of character'. Maybe the AAer who asserted that he was stuck on that step had experienced similar feelings - many of us get a bit 'stuck' on certain steps (if they were all easy we'd not need sponsors; the BB; the 1 & 12; and study meetings to get us through them), so it's not a criticism as such - although admittedly we're all better to focus on our own program than be the judge of others.