Hi Wheelingdizzy,
I just read this, and am so sorry that you're having to deal with such a major, life changing trauma.
People have made some excellent points already. The question of whether you are or are not an alcoholic is one that only you can answer. Certainly everything you wrote could be seen as symptoms, though. The quantity, the frequency, feeling the need for a drink at times. And having had issues with it in the past.
What would also worry me is that your life situation has changed dramatically. I don't know if the old rules apply in terms of comparing your drinking now to what you drank before. You're having to find a new way to live your life, and right now, alcohol is playing a big part in that. You mentioned that you aren't taking the pain killers you were prescribed, and are using alcohol instead. Is that potentially just replacing one potentially harmful addictive substance with another? How will you know when you can cut down this "medication"? How will you know if you're taking the right "dose" or do you risk keeping having to increase the amounts to get the same "buzz"?
You've written about having to deal with huge amounts of change you didn't plan for or expect in a relatively short space of time. With more uncertainty ahead with further operations and treatments. All while publicly holding it all together to the point where people think you're coping perfectly.
I guess my real concern is whether you feel you have to keep appearing to be coping perfectly. Whether that's part of the image you're wanting to project. And if so, whether you're remembering to put your health and needs first during this difficult period of adjustment and are reaching out for support and help from everywhere you can get it. And that reaching for bottles of booze isn't an attempt to deal with your situation yourself, without letting anyone else know how badly it's affecting you.