That was a very eloquent post Amber. I think I am the male version of you as your alcohol habits mirror mine. I also replaced any interests/hobbies with drinking. I know what you mean with the struggling to make it to 12pm before hitting up the liquor store on a Saturday morning.
Alcohol gave me instant peace of mind where all my anxieties and fears dissappeared. Normal people might go to the gym, do yoga, meditate, or go shopping to unwind. A pint of beer was my solution to everything.
Ive been through many horrible withdrawals too. Never have I felt so alone and hopeless as I did during those times.
Welcome to the site!