How many times does it take?
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I guess right now what I'm looking for is for someone to tell me I'm not the only one. Someone to tell me they've been where I am and have been. I know there is as we are all here for a reason but I just want someone to tell me as I need to read it.
I'm not sure where to start other than to say that every time I think I've hit a new low when drinking I seem to one-up myself to an astounding and shocking low. I won't induldge the details as I prefer to bury it in my subconscious and focus on today and what I can change now. All things considered, thing's could have been much much worse and I'm completely lucky it didn't.
What scares me is how many more times do I need to compromise myself, my future, my life and now my families well-being before I GET IT? I have been down this road too many times...telling myself and anyone else I've hurt that this is it! I'm done. No more! But then here I am again, sick and anxious over the person I become when I drink. Someone I am not when sober. Things I would NEVER do when straight. How many times is being sick with worry enough??
Im married with a beautiful one and a half year old son. I want and need to be a better mother and wife. They deserve better. I'll never forget my husband stating his concern before we got married that he doesn't want a drunk for his future child's mother and here I am. It makes me sick. All I know right now is I don't have to go through this anymore. And I don't need to drag my family down with me. I can't change the past but I can change the present and future by stopping this insanity.
I'm hopping like the rest of you for support in this community as I've been down this road before but always seem fall off the wagon. It's hard when you no longer trust and believe yourself. Thanks for reading.