I'm really sorry for your situation and it must be difficult to be in pain and adjusting to life in a wheel chair.
It sounds like you are struggling to understand whether or not you are an alcoholic. It sounds to me like you know alcohol is causing problems in your life, but it's hard to accept it. I understand that. I was shocked when I realized that I was an alcoholic. I always thought I'd stop drinking when I wanted to, and then I found that I couldn't.
I hope you take a look around and read and post.