I think the responses you'll get here will prove that a lot of people care Cali.
I think, on some level, you care too, or you wouldn't be posting here
You don't sound very happy to me.
If you're depressed and despairing drunk or sober, why not see someone about it? Dr? Therapist? Counsellor?
Depression is hard to handle - but it's easier if you call in some reinforcements
D