Hey guys! I've been reading along but have been posting all my updates in the November class.
OMD, your post and the discussion that followed struck a chord with me. I think it's totally normal to go through a "grieving" period. To feel and process those thoughts is healthy and something alcoholics are not very good at. It is clear that you are completely in control.
I guess what I have to add is that one drink never made me feel good. It gave me anxiety about the next drink 99% of the time, and if for some reason it didn't, then it didn't give me a feeling at all (similar to drinking a non-alcoholic beverage).
These last four months I've drank when I wanted to check out. When I wanted to go from 100 to 0. The thing is, the negative that comes with that behavior is too much of a liability.
I read Caroline Knapp's "Drinking: A Love Story" a few weeks ago. She gives examples of people she met who drank to check out, to pull the shade down over their eyes. That resonated with me. That's how I've always drank. Hell, the first time I got drunk at a party when I was 15 I remember sitting on the floor against the wall just staring at everyone in my drunk stupor. One of my friends said "Kim is a sedated drunk!" That first time. That's how it's been ever since. Not that I wasn't a wild and crazy party girl for many years, but the last few years it's been self medicating by myself bc I was ashamed at how drunk I got in front of others (needed to keep my image up around others).
Well that was a rather long rant. Clearly I'm bored at work! But I want you guys to know I am so proud of you for maintaining sobriety and I'm so glad that you are still here and posting. Take care
