So hard, I know. My AXBF just stayed with me this last week to finish his last week of college classes (He has been doing most of it on line from his parents house 2 hours away). The first few days, I remembered 3 years of plans and dreams and how much love we have. We made plans for the weekend (although school ended today). Then he drank a few beers last night and became the addict I grew to hate. I had to ask him to leave this morning because I cant deal with him like that. Although I watched his addiction progress and it was not overnight, it feels like my life got ripped away. I am going to no contact. I need to heal and I cannot do it with him in my life. But it took me over a year to get to a place where I can just accept things. Give yourself time.