Hi Priscilla, I am a recovering alcoholic and maybe I can reconfirm what the other members have said here. Life with is addict is like riding a roller coaster. At the start there are ups and downs as we oscillate between addiction fuelled benders where we will cast anything aside, even our own families. We will then come back, full of remorse and be attentive and caring to make amends for what we did. Repeat this cycle over and over again. What you say or do won't really matter that much to us. We can't help the benders and how we behave during them and we will come back like a dog with our tail between our legs when we have had enough. Until the next time.
As time goes on and our condition worsens there will be more downs than ups on that roller coaster and the downs will be deeper and deeper. Getting married or having kids, or indeed any amount of love that you show us won't stop the cycle. Very little, if anything, that you can say will matter.
At this point in the cycle, the best that you can hope for is that he sees sense, quits what he is doing and cleans up. Then after a period of time maybe you can think about whether their is a relationship worth rekindling. Even then, if you do get back with him you have learned a valuable lesson that after a period of abstinence the demons can sometimes and often do return. You might want to wonder if you want to be married or even have kids with that hanging over your head.
In my opinion you made a smart decision not to get married. I am not saying there is no hope in the future with this man. But I think you have a much better idea of the extent of what you are dealing with now. And it certainly ain't your fault.