had a few people i know kill themselves too. ive heard people say horrible things about people who commit suicide. IE he was a coward, or that was a very selfish thing to do etc.. and sure i can see those sides of the coin I've always been one to say hey have some sympathy for this guy to use those kinds of words you clearly have no idea what its like to be at your wits end and ready to do yourself in. Its not exactly a cowardly or selfish act from the view of the person doing it etc..
its very sad tho it always devastates those around the person. what if this what if that etc... the what if games dont accomplish anything but I guess its part of the process to ask these questions.
For me I look at how it affects those around the person who did it. thats always been my motivation to not actually follow through. as close as i've come i'm like no no i cant do that to my family etc.. tho at the tail end of my drinking i started to not care what they'd think i figured they'd get over it soon enough and i'd be nothing more then another grain of sand on a beach. That sorta started to scare me but at the time I didnt care.
People say a lot of things in reality regardless of opnion its still a sad event.
hang in there.