It's natural to look for answers but I don't think it's particularly useful to think about blame.
When I was suicidal I wanted to die...that was it. There wasn't much logic involved. I hated my life, I hated myself and I saw no expectation of change.
I had friends and family and support systems. I simply turned away from them all.
This is a great link - I hope you read it chickippo and I hope it helps in some way
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-what-if.html