He went 9 years without using and I ruined everything
No, that is not what happened. He made a choice, Priscilla. A horrendous choice, to be sure, but the choice was
his.
It may be of benefit for you to read some posts from mothers of addicted children and see what they went through. Talk about heartbreaking. And talk about helplessness, too...check them out, I bet you'll understand a bit more clearly after you do...