chickippo

I lost a friend to suicide last Friday. I knew him through AA.

I first went to AA in October 2013, after a suicide attempt that very nearly succeeded. I've been sober for almost 20 months now, and I credit AA with my life, never mind my sobriety. I met S and he was funny, hugely smart and a gentle soul. He was also bipolar, and an alcoholic.

I haven't been to meetings very often lately. Last time I went I saw S, and was delighted. He was very 'up' and we chatted about our medication, as we often did. We parted with a hug. I never saw him again. He had been two and a half years sober.

Now to my problem. I love AA. I don't necessarily love all the people in it, but I know we are all just trying to get well. One of my friends is what I would call on the hardcore program. He has opined that S was 'stuck' on Step 6 and 'not moving forward'. A half-drunk bottle of vodka and a large amount of medication was found - apparently, S took the first drink and 'the remorse and self-pity' came back and that's why he's dead.

I am really struggling to reconcile this view with what I see as a complete tragedy. S was let down by mental health teams, and often struggled with his bipolar. I have avoided meetings as I know I wouldn't control my feelings (or my mouth) - surely if AA hadn't drummed the 'shame and guilt' into him, he might have asked for help?

I don't know. Can anyone help me make sense of this? The program got me sober. Why couldn't it help someone in real trouble? If a person had this insight into S's state of mind, should they try and help?

I'm sorry to bring up such a sad subject. I just want to try to understand.