Hi Endgame .
Early into alcoholic drinking and after a period of abstinence and after much rationalizing and justifications my head wanting to escape the ''humdrum '' and somewhat boring existence of normality I chased excitement and decided to lift a drink , my mindset was remembering the ''warm glow '' and the feeling of ''ease and comfort '' that booze had given me very early on in my drinking experience . Very shortly usually after a blackout which resulted from lifting that first drink again and experiencing the ''same old same old '' and back on the merry go round of repetitive behavior I thought of quitting again as alcohol that once was ''my only friend '' was now repeatedly letting me down . Compulsion ,obsession call it what you like ? .
Like a heroin addict who's first '' hit '' is an incredible experience and sadly they continue to '' chase the dragon '' never ever to experience that first sensation , my brain remembered alcohol in the same fashion , this time WILL be different etc etc etc . Take care .
Regards
Stevie sober since 14 03 2006 .