I feel the same. I feel used after all these years with him, but I think I would with any man. The more I think about it. I am a loner, but do not want to be. I also feel the same about not fitting in. I do not like drunks and bars, and parties, but then when I am around people that I go to church with and things like that then they seem to conservative, yet I am a real far right wing conservative. I have the right wing belief system, but not so stuffy in the way I talk or act, but yet, not loose or vulgar. My clothes do not fit in anywhere. I do not like dressing up, but will if I go somewhere like church, but I do not like wearing revealing clothes or sloppy clothes, but yet blue jeans and tee shirts are not sloppy to me. LOL I feel I am too old to go through this again. I wish I had somebody to talk to that was just like me. The AH is like me when he does not drink, but then now I wonder if he only pretends and just says things to please me and he is playing a game because if he really thought like I did then HE WOULD KNOW HE WAS A PUNK!!!!!!! I also agree about looks. I feel AH does not give me the respect I would get if I was younger or if I was in top shape. My goal has been to slim down and muscle up just to see if his attitude would change. I need to do this before this old body will not muscle up anymore. I have turned 50 and I have an attitude now! I am nice and I listen and I like to help people. I do not gossip, but I get walked on and treated worse than a dog and I am convinced it is looks because when I was in my 20's I was very slim and athletic and people treated me different. Losing weight and getting in shape seems like the only solution of beating the AH at his own game. He will never be that interesting to me or say the things I wish he would, but just to get a look of respect or attitude of respect from him would be worth it. Now I know a lot of people are slim and in shape and the AH treats them bad, but just something about this one of mine that makes me feel muscles get respect, STRANGE BUT TRUE!!!
