I dont know why I work this way. I've read psych articles like crazy. My dad was a drinker. In my drunk mind I keep it inside all the time. I don't wanna hurt people with it. But I'm starting to think I had to mature to fast to protect my mom. Then my brother past away. My sis worked with a girl that tried to leave her husband and he burnt the house down with her in it. When sis left her husband he called and threatened that all the time. Before the restraining order he would shine a flashlight in her eyes in the middle of the night and tell her if she didn't talk to him he would shine it in the kids eyes and wake thme up. I spent nights on the front porch locked and loaded to make her feel safe. He was a piece of ****. He would never even look me in the eye. But my problems are mine. I blame no one else.