My Story so far...
My Story
I'm a 30 year old Australian guy with a 15 year history of Alcohol and Drug problems. Right now I am engaged to the love of my life and have my own place for the first time. I have a good relationship with my family finally after years of strain and hurt. Sounds ok right? But here I am drinking cheap wine alone in my garage. In the last 6 years I have been to prison twice, been in mental health facilities 4 times and attempted to take my own life. Over 10 years I have tried 12 rehabs and graduated one ( the 28 day one of course..) All because of alcohol. The times I went to prison I cannot remember the crime. I was in a blackout. I drove my car, people got hurt in fights. I wake up in police cells shaking with no idea what happened. Oh I always find out and oh the shame.. In my time I have also been a heavy pot smoker, a Benzo dependent doctor shopper and a intravenous amphetamine user. I have held down a few fantastic jobs and eaten in some of the best restaurants in Sydney, and I've also been homeless and eaten out of rubbish bins. Its sad writing this, I always blame the world and my inability to adjust to it but at the end of the day it's my problem because I cannot take a single thing that changes the way I feel without becoming hopelessly addicted to it.
Currently I have been out of prison nearly a year and things have been ok, compared to the past, yet I just can't stop drinking. It's a pattern of relapsing after a few weeks, even 3 months then everything starting again. I have just turned 30. When I drink now there doesn't seem to be the anger there was. I just become physically dependent very quickly. When I stop I shake. It's awful as many would know. The absolute horrors. There used to be the shame and utter humiliation but these days I just stay at home when I drink. And wake and shake and make the same mistake.. Drink that morning beer. Things aren't crumbling. My new fiancée is just starting to see the reality of my alcoholism. It's horrible for her to watch. I'm not a bad guy sober. Well so people say.
I honestly just wanted to share my story and say my name is Sean and I'm an Alcoholic and an addict and I need help. Thanks for reading.