Need advice regarding my EXAB
I saw my ex at a party over the weekend. I had a feeling that he was going to be there, because he is also friends with the person who hosted the party. I have been avoiding several social events over the last few months if I thought there was a chance he would be there. Last week, I decided I'd had enough of that... I shouldn't have to miss out on social events or seeing my friends, just because of him. So I went, and there he was.
He hugged me and asked me how I am. We chatted for a little while, I'd say a half hour or less. He moved out of his parents' home, has been staying with a friend, sleeping on the friend's couch for 2 months, etc. He has a new job and seems to like it. He said he's been seeing a counselor for about 8 weeks (even though he got out of rehab 6 months ago). He's also trying to find an apartment, but it's been hard for him because he has 2 dogs. Blah blah blah. I think he may have just been continuously talking, to keep the conversation flowing, because I certainly wasn't saying much.
He tried a few times to bring up a couple of things that had happened right before we broke up. I cut him off and said this wasn't the time or the place to discuss these things, and I didn't want to talk about them. He respected that. But he did say that looking back, he understands why I felt the way I did about some of the things that happened. He said he knows he wasn't the best communicator with me, and that he was wrong to not let me talk more or express how I felt. Towards the end of our relationship, it had been a classic case of me walking on eggshells, holding things in. So there were a lot of things that I didn't get to say, and a lot of questions I have that are still unanswered.
He said that if I have anything that I want or need to say to him, he's "ready" to give me that opportunity. He said that we can meet up or I can call him anytime I want, and say everything that I didn't get to say, and he won't get defensive or argue with me. He'll just sit there and listen, because I deserve that. He said this to me 3 times throughout the evening, even though I said "It doesn't matter now." He said if I change my mind, I can contact him anytime.
It's kind of funny, he said he's glad he went to rehab, because he has so much more clarity now, and that the rehab place "fixed him." Yet, he was drinking alcohol at the party and dabbling in other drugs. He's avoided his DOC, which was opiates. He said he hasn't touched them since he got out of rehab, and he can handle these other things just fine, because he wasn't addicted to any of them, just the opiates were a problem. He definitely seemed to be clearer and more focused than before he went to rehab. But I don't think he's truly embracing recovery, and I don't see how he can think that he's "fixed." The drinking and using other drugs seem to be a slippery slope headed straight for a relapse, in my opinion.
So my question is, should I take him up on his offer to voice what I need to say to him? I think I know what most of you will say... No! Which I know in my heart is probably the best answer. It's been extremely hard to move on from this break up without being able to get things off my chest, and tell him exactly how he made me feel at times. I also question his motive. Why now, after all this time, would he suddenly want to give me this opportunity, when he never wanted to hear what I had to say when we were together? I've been waiting for this for a long time, and never though it would happen. Although part of me thinks it's a can of worms and I just shouldn't bother to go there, I also feel like it might give me a little bit of closure (I hate that word, but it's fairly appropriate in this instance) that I've been seeking for so long.
For the record, I have NO desire to get back together with him, ever. I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a pencil than entertain the idea of being in any kind of a relationship with him again. Especially after seeing him drinking and using other drugs right in front of my own eyes at the party. Even if he was completely sober and was actively working a program, I still would have no desire to be in a relationship with him. That ship has long sailed.