I heard someone say our drinking is an attempt to fill a God sized hole in us. It kinda made sense, I didn't seem to have a place in the world in which I felt comfortable, my connection was busted.
My pattern was drink = disaster, sober = misery which lead to drink, to disaster back to sober misery then drink..... What was wrong with me?
Alcoholism manifests like this. In a way, my problems began when I stopped drinking. There was something wrong with my reaction to life. The solution I found was through AAs 12 steps. After working through them I underwent a sort of personality change. I suddenly realised I had undergone a profound change in my reaction to life. The world seemed to have chaned from a cold and fearful place to one that is warm and welcoming, and there was a place in it for me. I have been able to relate to people much better, and feel much better about myself. Life is entirely different these days because I am a different person.
Of course I didn't just wake up one morning and think "oh it's a lovely day, I think I'll go to AA and change my life". I went because I was desperate and had run out of options and time. I was willing to do anything to get away from the misery that was my life. Strange as it may seem, the best recoveries can be born out of such desperation.