Hello all, I've been lurking a little here for a while and decided to join in.
My situation is complicated (aren't they all?), but I'll try to spell it out briefly...
My AH recently went back to rehab. He had gone to rehab before back in the spring and checked himself out without completing the program. When he left, he didn't come back home, and he hasn't lived at home since. We are estranged/separated. We have 3 children together.
Oh, and he's been having an affair for over a year. I found that out when he went to rehab the first time.
He has been in full denial about his serious substance abuse problems and playing the blame game.
He went from living in a nice home, great job, and a promising future to living in a trashy trailer park, no job, nothing. He has not paid one penny toward the care of his children in 8 months and has been almost completely out of contact. He's only seen the kids a small handful of times, only once since school started.
I have been an at-home mom for 15 years, and this has completely turned my life upside down. While I do have a bachelor's degree, it's not a very marketable one. The kids and I are being supported by my inlaws while I go back to school to get a degree in the medical field so I can get a decent job to support us. I am grateful for their support, but it does come at a price - it's a very enmeshed, dysfunctional family.
I was a classic codependent, but I've been working hard on myself. I've been seeing a therapist for 2 1/2 years now, and I've come a long way. Still have a lot of work to do, but I'm miles from where I was.
AH is addicted to alcohol and cocaine/crack. He also can't control gambling (he doesn't gamble much, but the last time he had opportunity, he withdrew thousands in cash from a credit card). He has a very addictive personality.
Things have really gone downhill with AH lately, to the point where he was in danger of dying either from suicide (which he's mentioned), overdose/body giving out (he had a random seizure a couple of months ago and was taken to the hospital and has apparently had some health problems since then as well) or at the hands of dealers (he apparently got beaten pretty badly down in "cracktown" recently).
I guess I'm just feeling fragile these days, so I'm reaching out here. There's so much more to the situation... I want a divorce but am dragging my feet because I'm afraid of how much it's going to cost, afraid I won't have the time to deal with it, and I am needing to save as much $$ as I can in what I call my "independence fund."
So, yeah. Here I am. This seems like a great group of people.
