TnTPoP

I have stopped drinking successfuly..... so far.

I stopped and now I I can see have to face a monster..... one of many I bet.

The monster in the room in my life is I have a loving wife and kids and yet I feel like a satellite... just in orbit around the family isolated and alone. I surround myself with work and chores and play but most of the times I'm just trying to get through those things so I can go be left alone... weird that loneliness can become a familiar habit.

I'm not happy about it but too afraid to change.... stupid right?

I was adopted into an older family and my mom just passed away a few years back leaving me with no one that I have any history with.

I started drinking heavily when my mom passed. She raised me on her own pretty much and so we were close and man I really miss her. ... even the disagreements!

I feel like I have no roots anymore. My wife's family are all in another country and we do our best with the kids but I feel sad for them especially around the holidays because it just..... "us".

...but they are happy to have a sober daddy.....

I'm afraid that emptiness I feel with never go away. I know I can't/won't replace it with booze and that I have to find something to fill the void for my family and carry on.

I think I wanted to just put it down in words....

I'm surrounded alone.