I'm so glad you're reaching out.. Please check out any meeting, many meetings, you don't have to say a word or you're always welcome to share and get it off your chest.. get a temp sponsor until you meet all of the fellowship.. You will be welcome with open arms and unconditional love! We've all been there and it's a horrible feeling! You really made day and I'm saying a prayer for you.. There are wonderful members in this forum with many many years of soberity.. Reach out to them.. PM me if I can help in any way.. Wishing you the best!!