Originally Posted by
Beccybean 
Can I just ask - are you making your amends list using your Step 4 inventory now? (Just asking because sometimes people ask about things ahead of the step they're working on).
Yes. I get why you asked, I resisted writing my 4th step for a long time just because of Step 9.
When I prepared for my amends I worked through those Step 4 lists (amazed that actually the list that had generated the most amends for ME to make was my resentments inventory lol). I used little filing cards and wrote the name a nature of my harm on the card and underneath, what I needed to do to make amends. If I didn't know then that was one of the things I discussed with my sponsor when I'd done what I could on the cards. Some of these she advised me to make living amends - by resolving to change my behaviour in the future.
It sounds like we did very similar work here.
I've heard many people say about putting your amends over 3 lists - now; one day; and never. They all say that by the time they'd worked through the 'now' list they were ready to start on the 'one day' list. And by the time they'd done the work on the 'one day' list, they were ready to start on the 'never' list. Their willingness grew and their fear subsided as they worked through the list.
I've heard of this method, too. I think Joe and Charlie talk about this.
You say that you'd rather not contact your sponsor while she is stressed - can I suggest that you ask someone else to be a temporary sponsor to help you with your amends list if this a serious and ongoing situation. Although, you might find that helping you with some of these things would actually give your sponsor a break from worrying about her own problems - it works that way sometimes
She seems much more on track now talking to me spiritually. I know I'm not easy to sponsor because I over-think, and I need things said to me more than once because my anxiety causes me to not remember stuff. It's hard to explain. I think, too, sometimes we have little misunderstandings because we process things differently. It happens. She's an awesome sponsor and I'm very grateful for her sponsoring me, but maybe she just wanted me to do more amends. I'm not sure. I'll ask her once I'm on Step 12. :-)
Thank you. I wasn't aware of this website. I'll check it out. I've listened to other speaker tapes and get a lot out of them.
