Wanting to use when you can get away with it is not a great place to be, and I'm sorry for your struggle.
In all honesty, I think you're stuck in a loop MF.
If the advice you got from AA, or from posts here over the years, is not helpful or good, you're under no obligation to follow that advice.
By always referring back to those approaches you find not helpful, you may be missing out on other approaches that could be of benefit to you.
D