He was very strict AA and believed that depending on help from people would send an addict back out.
Honestly, I've never heard anyone say that but you, quoting your sponsor, or quoting various 12 steps groups you've been involved in.
I really think it might be in your best interests to check out some other approaches
As far as recovery goes, here's my belief.
Ultimately, the buck stops with me, sure. It's my responsibility not to drink or drug...
but...I rely on support in my life, in all manner of ways, including my recovery.
for me having that support network, and focusing on personal growth is like an inoculation against addiction.
I don;t feel scared of using anymore any more than I'm scared of a plane falling in my head.
You've been at this a long time - I really hope you can get to that place of surety too
D