Was told a story once .
Parent has a child normal n loving n kind , then one day the same child develops all sorts of unruly and unacceptable behavior , becomes aggressive some violent tantrums spitting in faces cursing swearing and totally out of control .
Parent stops taking child anywhere because of embarrassment and being forever getting showed up in public . This carries on for a number of years until one day the child starts to show signs of returning to its former self , after a while the child recovers and gets on with life .
Parent gets asked '' did you forgive your child for all the years of unruly behavior ? '' parent replies '' of course I didn't as there was nothing to forgive '' the child was ill and was not to to blame in any way .
I was told the story years ago as I was ''incapable and unable '' to ''forgive myself '' I believed it was an excuse to simply justify or find a reason for my behavior by saying I suffered from an ''illness '' .
You say you are dumbfounded by making amends to yourself /others who abused you and God .
To God you don't need to try and make amends as God is fully aware of your faults and defects , you have no need to '' forgive God ,he forgives you ''
If you learn to accept that you were suffering from said illness and learn to forgive yourself ''first and foremost '' you must then learn to '' forgive yourself for our actions against others '' this is not an ''EXCUSE'' it is a fact not a way out .
By moving on to direct amends list , firstly if you have forgiven yourself firstly , then it should not upset you if you do not get the response ''you '' were hoping for ! it is not ''your will '' its gods will .
Wisdom to Know the Difference '' there are people sometimes even family who are completely live and think in a opposite way from what we are trying to maintain and achieve , they could be spiteful ' nasty 'violent ,totally unreasonable and deeply set in there justifications and rationalizing ? unfortunately people who exist like this are ''unteachable '' and I believe a '' simple sorry '' is sufficient , no explanations, or reason is enough , we need to ''detach ''from these people ,let go ,or let go with love .
People who ''abused ''you resentment is the number one offender and I don't think you need make amends to them , what I know from personal experience is that you need to learn '' not to hate '' takes time but it will happen , then again ''detachment '' no longer living rent free in your head .
I had to learn to ''love ''myself ,if I don't love myself its impossible to love others , love God love yourself love your fellowman .
Regards .
Stevie